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Lyrics
Eminem - Criminal

Album: The Marshall Mathers LP
Produced By: Dr Dre
Recording Year: 2000

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[ Intro ]

A lot of people ask me stupid fuckin questions
A lot of people think that what I say on records
Or what I talk about on a record,
That I actually do in real life
Or that I believe in it, or if I say that I wanna kill somebody
That, I知 actually gonna do it or that I believe in it
Well shit, if you believe that then I値l kill you
You know why? Cause I知 a

Criminal, Criminal
You god damn right
I知 a Criminal, Yeah I知 a Criminal

[ Verse 1 ]

My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That値l stab you in the head
whether you池e a fag or lez
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress hate fags? The answer痴 土es
Homophobic? Nah, you池e just heterophobic
Starin at my jeans, watchin my genitals bulgin (Ooh!)
That痴 my motherfuckin balls, you壇 better let go of em
They belong in my scrotum, you値l never get hold of em
Hey, it痴 me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin the mail
Get it? Checkin the 僧ale?
How many records you expectin to sell
after your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C知on! Relax guy, I like gay men
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife痴 sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can稚 reach me, my mom can稚 neither
You can稚 teach me a goddamn thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
and you ain稚 able to stop these thoughts
You can稚 stop me from toppin these charts
And you can稚 stop me from droppin each March
with a brand new cd for these fuckin retards
Duhhh, and to think, it痴 just little ol me
Mr. 泥on稚 Give A Fuck, still won稚 leave

[ Chorus ] x2

I知 a Criminal
Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it痴 a crime
to tell em what痴 on my mind I guess I知 a Criminal
but I don稚 gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
and keep goin, I don稚 take shit from no one

[ Verse 2 ]

My mother did drugs tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don稚 dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I知 a CRIMINAL an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fuck you sposed to grow up when you weren稚 raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink malt liquor to fuck you up quicker
than you壇 wanna fuck me up for sayin the word
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don稚 ignore me, you won稚 avoid me
You can稚 miss me, I知 white, blonde-haired
and my nose is pointy
I知 the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain稚 happened to him
Slim Shady, I知 as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined kch the maniac痴 in
Replacin the doctor cause Dre couldn稚 make it today
He痴 a little under the weather, so I知 takin his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that痴 Dre with an AK to his face
Don稚 make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should致e kept that thang put away
I guess that値l teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
I知 a Criminal

[ Interlude Skit ]

Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker
get the motherfuckin money and get the fuck up outta there
Em: Aight
Dre: I値l be right here waitin on you
Em: Aight
Dre: Yo Em
Em: What?!
Dre: Don稚 kill nobody this time
Em: Awwright god damn, fuck
Em: (whistling) how you doin?
Teller: Hi, how can I help you?
Eminem: Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
Teller: Okay
Eminem: Put the fuckin money in the bag bitch and I won稚 kill you!
Teller: What? Oh my god, don稚 kill me
Eminem: I知 not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin around
Teller: Don稚 kill me, please don稚 kill me
Eminem: I said I知 not gonna fuckin kill you
Teller: Hurry the fuck up! {*BOOM*} Thank you!

[ Verse 3 ]

Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I値l be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I値l hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets
This puppy痴 lucky I didn稚 blast his ass yet {*dog whines*}
If I ever gave a fuck, I壇 shave my nuts
tuck my dick inbetween my legs and cluck
You motherfuckin chickens ain稚 brave enough
to say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut {*tape unrolls*}
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
And if it痴 not a rapper that I make it as
I知a be a fuckin rapist in a Jason mask

[ Chorus ] x2


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