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Eminem - The Kids

Album: The Marshall Mathers LP
Produced By: Eminem
Recording Year: 2000


[ Intro ]

And everyone should get along..
Okay children quiet down, quiet down
Children Iíd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day
His name is Mr. Shady
Children quiet down please
Brian donít throw that (SHUT UP!)
Mr. Shady will be your new substitute
while Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (HEíS GOT AIDS!)
Good luck Mr. Shady

[ Verse 1 ]

Hi there little boys and girls (FUCK YOU!)
Today weíre gonna to learn how to poison squirrels
But first, Iíd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)
Say hi Bob! (ďHi BobĒ) Bobís 30 and still lives with his mom
and he donít got a job, cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
but his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lot
And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
and wait in the parkin lot for waitresses off the clock
when itís late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
Drag Ďem in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (AHH!)
And even if they escaped and they got the cops
the ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge
ítil one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
when she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off
But Bob wouldnít knock it off cause heís crazy and off his rocker
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
You couldnít even take him to Dreís to get Bob a ďDr.Ē
He grabbed Staceí by the legs as chopped it off her
and dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander
they never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
And thatís the story of Bob and his marijuana,
and what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels want any Ė itís bad for you

[ Chorus ]

See children, drugs are bahhhd (címon)
and if you donít believe me, ask ya dahhhd (ask him man)
and if you donít believe him, ask ya mom (thatís right)
Sheíll tell you how she does Ďem all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (thatís right)
So you donít act like everyone else does (uh-huh)
Then thereís really nothin else to say (sing along)
Drugs are just bad, mmmíkay?

[ Verse 2 ]

My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
FUCK NO you ainít seen it, itís the size of a peanut (Huh?)
Speakin of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world
If someone ever offers it to you, donít do it
Kids two hitsíll probably drain all your spinal fluid
and spinal fluid is final, you wonít get it back
So donít get attached, itíll attack every bone in your back
Meet Zach, twenty-one years old
After hangin out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold
and decides to try five, when heís bribed by five guys
and peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
Suddenly, he starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyperdrive
and his eyes roll back in his skull {*blblblblblb*
His back starts tah Ė look like the McDonaldís Arches
Heís on Donaldís carpet, layin horizontal barfin {*BLEH*
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin at him
ďHey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!Ē
cause they took it too, so they think itís funny
So theyíre laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his money
Meanwhile, Zachís in a coma, the action is over
and his back and his shoulders hunched up like heís practicin yoga
And thatís the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac
So donít even feed that to squirrels class, cause itís bad for you

[ Chorus ]

[ Verse 3 ]

And last but not least, one of the most humungous
problems among young people today, is fungus
It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off,
bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew it
Yum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff
And everything slows down when you eat some of Ďem..
And sometimes you see things that arenít there (Like what?)
Like fat woman in G-strings with orange hair
(Mr. Shady whatís a G-string?) Itís yarn Claire
Women stick Ďem up their behinds, go out and wear íem (Huh?)
And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus
Ya tongue gets, all swoll up like a cowís tongue (How come?)
cause it comes from a cowís dung (Gross!!)

See drugs are bad, itís a common fact
But your mom and dad, know thatís all that Iím good at (Oh!)
But donít be me, cause if you grow up and you go and O.D.
Theyíre gonna come for me and Iíma have to grow a goatee
and get a disguise and hide, cause itíll be my fault
So donít do drugs, and do exactly as I donít,
cause Iím bad for you

[ Chorus ]

[ Intro ]

[Mr. Mackey] (Eric Cartman)
Come on children, clap along (SHUT UP!)
Sing along children (Suck my motherfuckin dick!)
Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!)
So donít do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin penis!)
so thereíll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!)
(Mushrooms killed Kenny! fart Ewww, ahhh!)
(So, fucked up, right now..)

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